To Great Memories

 

Scribbled on the back of a small canvas, these three words have the ability to set off a movie in my head – two friends taking their first road trip together. If a bus ride to Montreal isn’t enough to test the bonds of friendship, I don’t know what is. A back-breaking 6 hours away from Toronto lies a beautiful city, named after one of its own iconic locations, Mount Royal. And it is there I spent the long weekend of August 2015; just me, my best friend (now ex-best friend), let’s call her A, and her annoying druggie boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) who called her so much I thought he was on the trip with us. It would have been perfectly okay, if it wasn’t for the fact that every time he called, it ended with me consoling my best friend, wiping away her tears, because she and I both knew she was dating an asshole.

We spent five days there, checking off the typical tourist list:

  • Eat poutine
  • Hike to the top of Mount Royal
  • Take a grand tour of the Notre Dame Basilica
  • Visit the Museum of Fine Arts
  • Take a walking tour of Old Montreal
  • Mess about in the hotel room, dancing to Taylor Swift, while not paying attention to your boyfriend who is on the phone going on and on about some argument that is entirely irrelevant

To say it was fun would be an understatement. And that trip only serves to remind me of all the other crazy things we have done together in the four years I have known A. She has grown into a kind, beautiful, and incredibly driven young woman who has really broken out of her shell and made a mark for herself. From going pumpkin picking and getting lost in a maze, to her plastering a collage of my face all over campus on my birthday; from me sitting by her side all night after wiping her arms of self-inflicted cuts, to her rushing to my house at four in the morning when I called her, giving her no explanation, only to later realize I was feeling suicidal, we have been through a lot. She has been my rock and I have been hers.
So when did that rock turn into boulder, strapped to my chest, pulling me under instead of keeping me afloat?

I don’t know.

People always tell you to have faith.
People always tell you that you will find amazing people in life, who will support you and love you like their own.
What they fail to mention is that they will also leave; they will also grow bitter and mean. They will try to tear you down, bit by bit; and at least your enemies will only hurl rocks at you. Your friends – they have the power and knowledge to break you from inside.

Every relationship teaches you something important, so I would like to take a moment to thank A –
For teaching me:
– confidence isn’t inborn for all, it can be learned
– friends can be found in total opposites
– if you fail once, just learn from it and try again until you succeed
– the importance of a good bubble bath
– that everyone leaves.

There is so much anger, so much disappointment inside me, towards a friendship that didn’t hold up.

So then why do I still follow her daily on tumblr, typing in her url as I recall it verbatim, keeping up with what she is doing?
Why did my cat knocking over the canvas A gifted me, and giving me a glimpse of the inscription on the back, incite so many feelings?

You think and let me know, while I sit back
and light a blunt
To great memories.

Until next time.


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